Adam Smith Institute

Why was the cannibal was expelled from school?

He was buttering up his teacher.

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.

"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day."

"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

There's something sad about the readers of this blog. Election-night News and the Projection Puzzle became (albeit briefly) one of the best sellers on our online bookstore. It's about American election forecasts, of course: an odd science, since once the first vote is cast in New Hampshire, the result's usually known, and everyone in California might as well go home. Hanging chads notwithstanding. But you US-poll fanatics might find it interesting.

If, however, you're a mainstream reader looking for a good stocking-filler for your political geek friends, I would recommend Politipedia: A Compendium of Useful and Curious Facts about British Politics by Nick Inman (£6.49+pp). It's the ultimate quirky reference book for students of the Westminster village. It covers backbench revolts, cliches, Downing Street, techniques for saying nothing in interviews, nicknames, quangos, think tanks, and Yes Minister.

Click on the links to go to the Adam Smtih Institute bookshop. 

An Alsatian and a Dachshund were standing in the snow.

"Cold on the toes, isn't it?" Said the Alsatian.

"Stop complaining," replied the Dachshund. "I've got my own problems."

Colin went to see his doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out his bottom.

"Hmmm" the doctor said, "that looks uncomfortable."

"I know," Colin replied, "and that's just the tip of the iceberg."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn't find one bug enough for her family. She asked the young male assistant, "Do these Turkeys get any bigger?"

"No ma'am," he replied, "they're dead." 

"Waiter! What do you call this sprig of parsley in my Manhattan?"

"Central Park, sir." 

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic  church, sat down in the confessional and said nothing.

The priest waited and waitedand waited.

The priest coughed to attract the drunk's attention, but the man still said nothing.

The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replied, "No use knocking, pal. There's no paper." 

After many years, I've finally worked out what a woman really wants in bed.

Breakfast.