By all accounts, this was a crappy week
for Mr Cameron and his Tories.
After taxing granny, pasties and the meek,
and seeing George Galloway crowned in glory,
the Home Office creates a scheme so fearful,
antithetical to liberal thought,
I'd pay a lot to give a great big earful
to a minister (shame they can't be bought-
that is, unless it's Dave that you'd like to see.
I wonder if George charges VAT).
The plan, we're told, is the implementation
(necessary for survival of the State)
of a GCHQ listening station
to stop these pesky terrorists of late.
We need this new system here and now!
But passage of the bill can wait till post-
the Games, as "Parliamentary time allows",
just exactly when we will need it most
"to obtain effective, real-time, viewing stats"
of web use (this includes photos of cats).
Never mind all the current legislation,
extensive in consequence and scope,
now laws that govern the British nation.
(They should not instil you with too much hope.)
I shall provide an example here for you:
see "section 58"! Ten years, for taking
a picture of a building in full view.
And if they can't prove you're below the board, Her
Maj can slap you with a Control Order.
They say stop-and-search mitigates the risks,
which as of the year two thousand and nine
meant none were arrested, six figures frisked
(the perps got away in the nick of time).
And remember that Libyan revolution
and how you took to Twitter fervently?
That's speech unsafe under our constitution
(you'll be needed at Belmarsh, urgently).
Want to tear down a foreign state? Well, this here's
unlawful, and will get you seven years.
When a book can be illegal and jail needs no charge,
the state has the tools it needs to play rough.
It's time to push back on Big Brother writ large:
we must say, and loudly, "enough is enough."
But I've now said plenty. Enough out of me:
time to get on the horn and call your MP.