A man was giving a speech at his club meeting. He got a bit carried
away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done
and said, "I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the back of the room replied, "There’s a calendar behind you…"
A man was lying in the cinema, was sprawled out over 3 seats. The usher came over and told him to move. The guy mumbled but didn’t answer. The usher went and got the manager. The manager said to the man, "Sir, if you don’t move, I’ll call the police to have you removed." The guy mumbled, but didn’t answer.
So the manager called the police and a cop came over. The cop said to the man, "Hey mister. What’s your name?" The man said,"Pete." The cop asked,"Where ya from, Pete?" He said, "The balcony."