The Pin Factory Blog

Terrorists plan to plant bombs in tins of alphabetti spaghetti. They reckon that when one goes off, it could spell disaster.

Obama Introduces Americans With No Abilities Act

President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi - Democrat, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid - Democrat - pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%). Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM20plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey."This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

It's quite simple. Iceland can keep the £3.4 billion, as long as they take back their freezing weather.

Adam Smith remarked: "People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public..."

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

However, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, and well never know for whom the Tells bowled.

There's a knock onthe door, but when the woman answers it, there's only a snail. She picks it up and throws it across the yard. Two weeks later, there's another knock on the door. The woman answers the door, and there's the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

The teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that had happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, ‘Daddy fell into the well last week...’
“My Goodness!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he alright?”
“He must be,” said little Johnny. “He stopped yelling for help yesterday.”

Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God must have designed the human body. The first says, “God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints.” The second says, “I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections.” The third says, “Actually, God is a civil engineer. Who else would run toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A great friend will be in the cell next to you saying, “Damn, that was fun!”

Three women are in a changing room when a man runs through wearing nothing but a bag on his head. The first woman looks and says, “Well, it’s not my husband.” The second says, “No, it isn’t.” The third woman says, “He’s not even a member of this club.”