This being April Fool's Day, I thought I'd give you a few lines that you could use to make buffoons of your friends.
Start by telling them that the UK now has a higher tax burden than Germany. That the average Brit has to work more than five months of the year just to pay taxes. See if they believe that.
Tell them that household disposable income in the UK is now lower than it was when this government came to power in 1997.
Or tell them that after ten years of 'Prudence' and policies aimed to 'end boom and bust', the public's confidence in the economy is now lower (at -52%) than since records began. Twice as low as when John Major was in power.
Finish by telling them that despite record immigration, house prices are actually falling.
Unfortunately, it's no joke that all these things are actually true.