Clues for the Clueless: Dogbert's Big Book of Manners (£5.69 + postage)
"Lots of things have changed in the millions of years since etiquette was invented. Microwave ovens, for example. And so it seemed like a good time to update the rules of etiquette. Of course, you could buy some other book on etiquette, and in it you might find such useful titbits as what kind of uniiform the upstairs servants should wear, or the proper way to address the Pope when you meet him in person. But if you want practical information - like what to do after you sneeze in your hand - then you have to buy this book. It's the only book that speaks to you as the unwashed heathen that you know you are. Thanks. And I'm not just saying that."
Buy it here, from the ASI bookstore.