We're going to have to tax middle aged women having unprotected sex


It is of course sad that we've got to make this policy suggestion, perhaps imperative is better than suggestion, but it is for the NHS you know, so it is indeed valid. We're going to have to impose a tax on middle aged women having unprotected sex. It just costs said NHS too much money:

In every year since 2006 more than 110,000 babies have been born to women in their late thirties. This is a level of births not seen since just after the Second World War, and four times the level of the late 1970s, the RCM said.

For women in their forties, births have been above 29,000 for four years in a row. These are again numbers not seen since the years after the second world war, and are almost five times the level of the late 1970s.

Cathy Warwick, RCM chief executive, said: “All women deserve the very best care, regardless of the age at which they give birth. Women have every right to give birth later in life and we support that. But typically, older women will require more care during pregnancy, and that means more midwives are needed.

Older mothers cost the NHS more money: therefore those partaking in the risky behaviour which might lead to it costing the NHS more money must be taxed.

We know that this is the correct solution: exploding livers cost the NHS money therefore alcohol must be taxed more highly, perhaps even with a minimum price as well. Lung cancer costs the NHS money therefore cigarettes must be taxed more highly. And people shouldn't be allowed to do it indoors, or in a car, or anywhere near children. Obesity costs the NHS money therefore fizzy pop must be taxed more highly. And no doubt at all, given that processed meat causes cancer now, there will be someone along to shout that bacon butties must double in price and not be eaten where children could believe that such behaviour is normalised.

Therefore, given the basic logic by which our society works, middle aged women who have unprotected sex must be taxed. For the result of this costs the NHS money. And perhaps they should be banned from doing so indoors, in front of children, in cars, and possibly a minimum price must be imposed. And definitely not in pubs where they might enjoy it with a drink.

Alternatively we could suggest that the NHS, which we pay for, is there to treat the results of how free people live their lives. But that's such a radical idea that it will never catch on, will it?