The New Minister


Much is being said about how we need to revise our constitution: we should change the voting system, actually have one for the second house, perhaps have primary elections, state funding of parties, maybe even give the whole liberty and freedom thing up and fall sobbing upon the shoulders of the European Commission. However, I've a simpler idea, one that has two benefits. Firstly, it would provide me with a well paid sinecure shouting at and making fun of politicians and secondly, it would actually be useful whatever else we did to the political or governance system.

I want to revive the post of Jester: in it's proper, medieval sense that is. Not just a funny looking man in odd clothes (I've got that part of the job description right at least) who told unfunny jokes (ditto) but one who was licenced, authorised, to shout out when someone was talking b?**?!cks. If the Minister for Equality started to say again that the gender pay gap is 24% or more then that stick with bells on gets waved. Repeat in Cabinet that ID cards will help to prevent identity theft and the bells on the silly hat are also tinkled.

Someone proposing that wind power can meet all our electricty needs would be greeted with the report showing that it is indeed possible for peak demand to coincide with not a breath of useable wind in the entire country and something unfunny from Shakespeare. The full capering and preening upon the table, boncing with the blown up pig bladder and provision of a whoopee cushion would be reserved for those who say something extraordinarily stupid: like stating that a 50% tax rate will increase revenues, or that the economy is well placed to weather the storm. Of course, no one would be silly enough to say such things, would they, so the full production would indeed be a rarity.

The sad thing is we shouldn't actually need a Jester, someone to perform this office. If we had emotionally and intellectually continent adults (or even ones who were intellectually coherent) in office then of course they would be able to manage things themselves. But while we've got the politicians we do there is indeed a need for someone to leap up and shout "B?**?!ks" at them when they're being, as they are all too often, stupid.

If I don't get the job then I nominate Roy "Chubby" Brown.