The real King's Speech

My government does not believe that its purpose is to be re-elected. It is instead to improve the life and liberties of the people of this realm. Accordingly, it has set forth an agenda to achieve that. I commend these proposals to Parliament.

1. We intend to achieve energy independence by authorizing the use of hydraulic fracturing to release the treasure-trove of natural gas under our land. We will compensate those locally affected with cash sums and reduced fuel bills if ever tremors above the raised allowable limits occur.

2. We intend to improve the NHS by establishing a link between the medical procedures its personnel perform and the pay they receive. Doctors will be paid for each consultation with a patient, with greater remuneration for appointments in person than for telephone consultations. Hospital staff will be paid for each procedure they perform. Patients will be free to choose which doctors and which hospitals they wish to be treated by, and the state’s funds will be directed accordingly. We will use the tax system to encourage widespread use of additional private insurance.

3. My government will empower and encourage local councils to purchase non-verdant land on the green belt, including non-verdant agricultural land, and give such land planning permission for housing. Those affected by the new developments will be offered financial compensation in addition to the improvement of local infrastructure and services. Current restrictions on the size of houses and the square footage inside them will be removed.

4. State schools in England and Wales will be given their independence and freedom to determine their own budgets and their curricula. They will be required to teach a basic national curriculum in reading and writing skills, mathematics and the sciences.

5. We will ensure that no foreign court shall have authority over the highest court in the UK. The UK will no longer be subject to the European Court of Justice or the European Court of Human Rights in any area.

6. Recognizing that domestic tariffs are paid by UK consumers, my government will establish the principle of free trade wherever possible, and will seek to negotiate reciprocal free-trade agreements that encourage our trading partners also to recognize the principle of free trade.

7. My government will establish a Council on Competitiveness. Its purpose will be to report the likely effect on UK competitiveness of any regulations and requirements that may be proposed or requested.

8. My government will similarly establish a Council on Freedom. Its purpose will be to report the effect on personal liberties of any regulation that is proposed. It will examine in particular the effect of any attempts to direct the lifestyle of UK citizens.

9. We will take steps to ensure the free speech prevails on our university and college campuses, and will withdraw state funding from any such institutions that do not act to uphold free speech.

10. We will appoint a body to investigate the spread of non-elected quangos and will dissolve those that claim legislative and regulatory powers that more properly belong to this Parliament.