More Tapes from MI5

Victoria Street 

January 2021 

“Humphrey.” 

“Yes, Minister?” 

“People are awfully pleased with my Energy White Paper.” 

“You may be referring to our White Paper, Minister.” 

“Yes, yes, of course.  I’m really very grateful for your contribution, Humphrey.  I believe you used to work for Priti Patel?” 

“An effulgent experience indeed, Minister. May I ask what aspects of our Paper have met with particular appreciation?” 

“There are so many: lower energy bills for consumers, massive private investment with more jobs, great British innovation and engineering strengthening the economy, and zero carbon saving the planet. It’s a fairy tale scenario.” 

“Yes, indeed, Minister, what is not to savour? May I respectfully suggest, though, that you avoid the term ‘fairy tale’ – open to misinterpretation, you know. Perhaps something like “owing to a fortuitous concomitance of buildouts, the UK will be in a favourable energy space.” 

“Best of all, it puts the Great back in Britain. We may be only 1% of the pollutant problem but we have the vision and the leadership.  The exact words I used in my foreword, Humphrey, were ‘The UK is leading from the front in the transition to clean energy, while ensuring that we leave no one behind.’” 

“Did anyone mention that the numbers don’t add up?” 

“Humphrey, really!  No one expects our numbers to add up.  We are talking vision, aspiration, motivation, the big picture.” 

“Well, Minister, at least you can count on hydrogen to go with a bang! We mention it 133 times, twice as often as nuclear, and that used to go with a bang too.” 

“Humphrey, are you feeling all right? Isn’t hydrogen the gas dentists used to use to knock one out?” 

“Not quite, Minister, but the effect is much the same.” 

“Well, whatever it is, hydrogen is jolly good stuff.  It will power our vehicles, heat our homes, and provide industry with all the energy it needs. My friends in the oil business can make it from their existing sources of natural gas; otherwise all those pipelines and infrastructure would go to waste.” 

“Yes indeed, Minister. Unfortunately natural gas accounts for 80% of fossil fuel CO2 emissions which makes it public enemy #1. No wonder your oil company friends want us to take it off their hands. Natural gas is mostly methane CH4 so by removing the C - in the form of CO2 – you are left with pure hydrogen.  And you then have to bury the CO2, whether in tanks below Liverpool Bay or huge holes in the ground.” 

“Blimey! What is that going to cost? The White Paper has many expenditure commitments but no totals.  And who will pay for it? And what return do we get for our money? And I’m told it will double the cost of heating a home.” 

“Do I need to remind you that we are the visionaries?  Our White Paper says costs ‘will depend on the level of demand, and the cost and availability of other low-carbon technologies, particularly low-cost clean hydrogen.’”  

“I say, Humphrey, that’s excellent.  The costs will be what the costs will be.  Can’t say fairer than that. I know I flunked GCSE Chemistry but what ‘s the difference between clean hydrogen and any other sort?” 

“Well it isn’t the atomic hydrogen, H, but the hydrogen molecule, H2, and that comes in a range of colours: blue, green, grey, brown, black and turquoise. The blue is made from natural gas as I mentioned before, Minister, whereas green is made from water using electrolysis. As our White Paper says, ‘PEM (proton exchange membrane) electrolysers are capable of producing zero carbon hydrogen’. ‘Zero carbon’ means there’s no CO2 to capture and bury.” 

“Well global warming should ensure we don’t run out of water.  It’ll be slopping all over the place.” 

“I fear that’s the wrong sort of water. Electrolysis needs fresh drinking water and there’s a global shortage of that.  One way and another, green hydrogen is a lot more expensive than blue. The other colours arise from other raw materials, e.g. brown from brown coal, with various levels of carbon emission. One could blend green with one of the other colours to keep costs down but it would not be a zero carbon solution.” 

“You are blinding me with science.” 

“Our White Paper is more subtle: we will adopt today’s colour blind conventions by calling the blue green, or maybe turquoise because the Germans are very keen on turquoise.  After all, hydrogen is hydrogen.” 

“Good chemists, the Germans. No one is yet able to mass produce the green stuff anyway.” 

“If I may say so, Minister, you have discerned a profundity not unrelated to the reality of the situation.” 

“Well Humphrey, it may be our paper but I don’t understand it.  Our strategy is all about hydrogen yet our Figure 3.4 shows, by 2050, only 7% of our energy needs coming from hydrogen, of whatever colour, and 4% still coming from natural gas which has mysteriously become zero carbon by then. The action is all really with nuclear and renewables.” 

“Dear me, Minister, I should not have to explain this. The Prime Minister sent us his 10 Point Plan which highlights hydrogen and demanded we inculcate verisimilitude to substantiate our world leadership of zero carbon energy. We must burnish what he has furnished. Nuclear and renewables are old hat; the White Paper had to show inspiration and innovation. The game is the thing and hydrogen is the game.” 

“Thank you, Humphrey.  Kindly close the door on your way out.”